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♥ z h i h u i * b l o g ♥
Saturday, July 24, 2004

gone.. n i repeat myself.. its G-O-N-E!! one simple word to describe.. nice n clean, short n sweet.. wif one blardy bastard ard, nothin's goin to work out right.. never! n things will definitely not turn out right wif him leadin.. e impression tat they gave me over e yrs, he who used to encourage me, believe in me, have faith in me, she whom i respect e most, who changed a whole lot in me.. are gone.. e fire in me, the enthusiasm in me are all fadin off..

its saddenin to see... him wantin e alumni band to start asap.. but wat's he doin? he's sackin one by one.. first startin frm those not under him n tan.. pls la for goodness sake.. they eat until so old liao still donno how to tink meh.. kaox.. its really damn PISSED OFF one loh.. they were once tsmbians.. WERE! he don understand wats e meanin of WERE izzit?! kaox.. treatin them like total strangers, like nobody's business.. like as if they were out to harm e current members.. n i remembered it so clearly.. repetition of e flashes kept occurrin in my mind.. him, walkin towards e band store.. ivan n yx were sittin near e piano area.. ivan greeted him.. he greeted back.. yx did e same thing.. n tat blardy asshole greeted back in some cant-be-bothered 'hello' manner.. or was it me being too sensitive? i donno.. cy witnessed it too..

soon aft warm-ups start, liang you told me he din hav any scores for rock n roll.. so went in to search for tat oboe original score in e library.. wong was havin his dinner there.. <'ohh u pooor thing, but who cares..'>

halfway thru diggin out e scores, i happened to overheard wat wong was tokin on e phone.. obviously he's tokin to tan.. heard somethin like him sayin, 'ya.. i agree.. this thing i'll def tell them.. ya i understand tat u don like students not under u.. n i'll tell them nicely later tat we really appreciate their presence but they hav to leave somehow'.. i was stunned there.. n my face turned charcoal black.. damn it.. i jux knew this would happened.. y cant they jux for goodness sake, stop chasin alumnis away? its damn blardy plain biasness tat they are showin.. i left e store immediately soon aft i had found e scores..

nearly to e end of e prac, he came up to me askin me how many trum alumnis were there.. i told him there's yx n i.. n his first blardy reaction was 'er nono.. tat one definitely cannot' i was like wth loh.. stop treatin pp this way!! then he ended off his conversation askin me to find a solution for myself for e performance.. i was so damn blardy freakin pissed off by his endin sentence!! come on la.. he asked me for solutions, i told him yx is an alumni, of coz he'll be joinin in for e performance.. n he damn blardy argh!, turned my solution down.. i mean, he asked me for solution wat?! tat moment my blood was like boilin at donno how many degrees celsius liaox.. i really feel like slammin tat tanglin trum onto his blardy oily polkadots face! kaox..

aft e prac, once again, he's sittin on tat stool, settin his rules n regulations n stuffs..n scolded me for usin hp durin band.. pointed at me somemore.. ok la, this one my fault, i don blame him.. n he oso pointed out tat there'll be audition for alumni band.. oh man, wat craps were these?! auditionin ur own ex band members to be part of e alumni band? its ironic.. its funny.. its weird.. tab's already lackin of pp n they were even intendin to audition each n every one of us.. if tats e case, fine la! everyone's gonna fail their auditions since their standard was like so blardy high.. n wats left wif tanglin alumni band? nothin.. except for a percussionist soloist.. i don tink he's even fitted to be a soloist when his knowledge on music is so damn shallow.. its really limited to e extent tat he only knoes how to play one moment in time w/o any articulations or dynamics done.. coz one moment's not a piece for trumpet solo.. but a piece for PERCUSSION solo.. cool~ -.-" wats more, cant they tink bout it, wats tanglin band? its juz a normal silver band.. n i meant SILVER.. come on la.. there're bands out there which are even pro-er than us.. n here we are, havin teachers auditionin e alumnis so tat they can be part of tab? its no logic loh.. no brainers' tinkin.. we might as well go join some other better bands like sws, westwinds.. n y do we choose tanglin at e end of e dae? coz we were born frm it.. we grew n matured in it.. fond memories tat captures our heart, wantin to gather as a real tanglin alumni band, playin real music together.. was tat ever so difficult? look at other sch bands' alumnis.. pp can hav alumni band w/o any probs, but y is tanglin facin such a troublesome problem? let me ans e question tat tan had been askin herself all these yrs.. 'y izzit tat tanglin still hasnt improved? y is tanglin goin downslope?' its all becoz of their restrictions to WELCOME alumnis back to help out.. its weird.. its ironic.. its contradictin.. to hav our very own seniors, not teachin n helpin out in our band, but instead went over to help teach other bands.. til now, i really don understand n cant get a single shit of it into my head tat y in e world will they treat them like dirt when they were paid to teach in other bands??!! his last pt of e dae was a damn sarcastic appreciation to them.. indirectly askin them to leave, not welcomin them.. damn it loh.. can see tat their faces really turned black almost immediately.. really cant stand his blardy attitude.. them, knowin tat they might be chased out this prac, still bothered to turn up for band todae shows tat they do really care for e band loh.. n yet there's pp out there who doesnt cherish n treat them as.... nvm..

wat we yearned for is to make music n hav fun together.. is this very difficult to achieve? it isnt at all!

band has always been e pullin force in me to gear myself up in life.. no band = no motivation.. tats my formula in life.. its heartbreakin n disappointin to see it turnin out this way.. im really tired.. so tired of everythin.. i wanted to gif up.. nv to bother bout tanglin band anymore.. was this e spirit i had last 4yrs? it isnt.. e enthusiasm arent there anymore..

the place where i once called home, no longer exists anymore..

♥ 12:07 AM ♥