well, its really sad to say tat some things in life are really beyond our control.. n they were almost unpredictable.. take for example todae.. everyone was really lookin forward to this day, gatherin all e alumnis together to play music.. n were even plannin in advance wat songs we could play this nite.. but wat turns out at e end of e dae? its nothin but sadness n disappointment..

ya, i do agree its really fun to play as a whole tanglin band, or rather tanglin alumni band.. n its been really a long time since a gatherin for alumnis.. miss alot of seniors.. yongxiang, rouxin, samantha.. etc.. those were e days.. n e feelin's definitely great to hav them back sittin wif us, playin music together.. but there's somethin lackin within it.. its really lackin.. its e support tat e teachers gave.. we din get tat.. to some extent, yes i agree wif mr wong, ms tan.. but juz feel tat its kind of biased towards seniors who arent under e teachers in charge before, who arent taught n groomed by e conductor.. well at least they shld hav given them a chance to prove e value within them.. but they werent..! its a straightaway smack on their face when they stepped into e music rm.. mr wong, showin them a u-are-not-welcomed-here-at-all-n-by-bein-here-i'll-definitely-not-allow-u-to-be-part-of-e-alumni-band look.. n0t givin them any face value, puttin them in a diff spot, makin things really diff for them.. its like, they hen nan xia tai u see.. n well, a senior was then asked to leave e alumni band juz becoz wong don like his face..

respect, is wat we earned n not being demanded for.. but don e teachers knoe this? its contradictin when they taught us to earn respect for ourselves but not demandin it, when they themselves arent settin a good example.. i understand their situation bein as teachers.. they are shoulderin a heavy responsibility of ensurin each n every one of our safety.. but they really went too far, steppin over e line.. its juz plain biasness which i really cant accept e injustice tat e ex seniors are facin.. i mean, don they get e msg over e years tat im bringin to them so far? if a person is of any danger to any of my band mates or even my juniors, me havin grown up in tsmb, wouldnt dare to even bring tat person in to e band.. its bout my friends' safety, its bout maybe my own safety.. is it worth me bringin anyone in to harm my friends as well as endangerin my own safety? its out of concern tat i wan my sect to mature in their playin, improvin on their tones n techniques, tats y i asked yongxiang or xiangxing or maybe shenwei in.. its sad to see things are turnin out this way.. maybe its really fated tat ex seniors are not allowed in band.. its like aft ms tan left us n we got a new conductor, all e alumnis not taught by tat newbie conductor, even my batch which hav a grp of alumnis who are really committed to e band, are forbidden to come.. its no logic at all.. how would u feel then..??


ms tan's words always left a deep impact on me.. she toked to me aft e prac juz now..
ms tan: zhihui come here..
me: ya?
n i noticed tat her eyes were watery..
ms tan: zhihui ah, next time when ms tan is not around.........
tat was then when i got e hint.. is ms tan really leavin?
ms tan: don mix around wif those kind of pp.. u shld knoe who i am referrin to.. ive never like students who werent under me before.. u are a good ger, there are many guys around.. don be mesmerised by his playin.. this kind of pp bu hao re.. muz trust teacher..
i was like 'huh? wat e hell was tat..i mean i treat him as a senior n not someone....oh well forget it.. wat do u actually mean??' but decided to keep quiet..
me: sorry ms tan.. sorry ms tan..
n y in e hell did mr wong chipped in juz out of e blue?,
mr wong: huh? tat one ur boyfriend ah?
i was then again showin e omg-i-treat-him-as-a-senior-only-stupid-wong expression.. n went protestin in a rather irritated look..

well, can see tat frm ms tan's expression thruout e whole prac, she was rather emotional n disappointed somehow.. some part of me really gave in to her.. she's still my well-respected ms tan afterall..



however, one thing i like to correct.. ya u said pp hav choices, they choose wat they wan to be.. n i din comment tat u arent sad aft wat had happened tonite.. its my choice afterall tat i really hav got no mood for games dae tml.. pp are different in many ways.. some recover fast frm probs whereas some takes time.. i am one of those who needs time to get onto my feet again frm where i fell into e hole of troubles n problems.. n i realised, its e troubles tat im facin thruout this yr tat somehow cause part of me to be devastated.. suddenly i felt tat i am nothin.. n i feel extremely tired at e end of e dae.. which causes me to be really emotional all these while.. i truely need alot of time to face e reality n to get onto my feet to carry on wif my life.. to be wat i used to be..

tats wat i longed for.......