oh crap..! juz shut up will u?! tat attitude certainly turns me off. god. my daes in sp's certainly bad. very bad. terribly bad. juz couldnt stand a single second listenin to wat they're sayin. simply hate it to e core when pp who are obviously, smarter than me, more hardworkin than me, complainin tat they arent doin well for their tests.
hey come on, this is only e startin of e term. its been ONLY for NOT even a semester n yet they were there complainin tat their grades are bad. when they had passed their tests. wif flyin colours. or rather at least a 'B' n above. wat bout me? i flung. gone. will there be anyone who's on par wif me? could there be someone who failed as badly as me?
no. i scanned thru e class list lookin at e marks of everyone's. i saw one red mark somewhere in e middle. i was kinda in a happy mood at tat moment. asked my frien to help me look at my marks instead of e lazy me to see.

she said,' god, u failed.'

wow. wat a nice one. 'god, u failed.' i don believe wat i heard. i trust my eyes. went to see myself. once, twice. thrice. n even for another time, i still don believe wat i saw.

0454290 Lim ZhiHui 7.5/30

tat was wats written on e class list. in clear red ink. my heart sank. i dropped dead at e spot i was standin. 7.5/30 <-- do u believe it? i did study. i swear to god's name, i DID study. but WHY? i donno. well, maybe i din study thorough enuf. maybe i did a last min study for it. maybe i had too many band pracs. or watever it is. but y in e world n where in e hell did i go wrong in e paper? its straight zero's thru'out e paper. wow, so artistic. lookin at e pen strokes of e markings. tats DEFINITELY nice. i donno. i felt like cryin my heart out. i knoe its juz e beginnin of e term. everythin's new to me in poly. bio's definitely a new chapter for me to start on. but i juz simply don understand e reason of me gettin such grade. failin too abnormally. abnormally, did i say tat? or rather, failin too ridiculously. yeah, ridiculously. tats e word. im's dependin on my other half of e paper to pass. but chances are low. its definitely not easy for me to get ard 23/30 for e other half paper. guess, i'll still fail at e end of e dae.

felt so demoralised. i know myself. i understand myself well enuf. i knoe, failure is always e mother of success, or watever u call it. but to me, failure means condemntion. failure to me is like fallin into an endless hole. i'll always be strugglin to find a way out, yet thru strugglin, felt really tired n in hope of givin up. lettin myself juz die in peace. unless some kind-hearted man happened to pass by, to lend me a hand in pullin me out of tat idiotic hole. lettin me hav e chance of seein sunlight once again. but no. i tried ways to help myself in seein e sunlight. but to no avail. i'm desparate to feel e warmth of e sunlight, yet, w/o any help frm anyone, there's certainly no way out for me. -gone-

never did i know tat, poly's definitely a complicated place. down here, i've seen lots of kinds of pp. given a choice, i'd rather stay in pj. pj friends are warm, fun, jiang yi qi. miss junqin, qiuping, july, rabia, yanlin n daniel. esp junqin, who'll always drag me back into e conversation tat there were tokin about when my mind started to wander ard when i catch no ball in wat they were tokin bout. always there to explain stuffs, like chem pracs etc, to me whenever i lagged out, though not as laggin as qiuping. =X back here in sp, pp are more selfish. i can feel tat. its e kind of feelin tat i'll never feel it in jc. my pj clique of friends were those tat get everyone involved in e conversations n stuffs. but here, there isnt any. everyone's botherin bout themselves. they always tink bout themselves first before they tink bout e others. selfishness. yah, selfish. tats e word to describe. or izzit to particularly describe 'them'? attention-seekers. hate it. totally disgusted. spoiled-brats. no way. cant stand it. 'they' certainly changed e impression i had on 'them' initially. totally. definitely. -gone- no way am i goin to change my attitude towards 'them'. tot 'they' are like fenni kind. fun, lovin, cheerful, lame. but wat bout 'them'? failed. felt so pissed. nv felt so suay before. maybe i had offended some gods or goddesses. tats y my luck's been bad all e way since e start of e year. nothin good seems to come my way. nothin. at all. y in e world will i get to meet 'them' in my life? of all pp, y me?

felt so lost. felt so demoralised. felt like a, watever. i donno.