[ reflections ]
guess i've been slapped awake. maybe really awake? *shruggs*
ytd while on e way to arcade center at raffles place, saw few graduates wearin e graduation robes. im envied. they're takin photos. then i got a sudden urge to start studyin now. maybe i wont even get a chance to wear those. might not get a chance to wear e sqaure hats. i donno. chances are slim to get into uni now. my feelings for tat were strong. maybe i really despised my learnin ability. somehow motivations juz wont help me. i got to pick myself up frm e slackin world. well, i supposed i slack too much, didnt i? maybe i could hav juz stay in jj tat freakin sch so tat i'll get easier n direct admission to uni. or y shldnt i say maybe i could hav juz chosen pj as my 1st choice for e joint-admission exercise?
no. there's too many 'maybe`s' in my life already. always sittin there tinkin of those 'maybe`s'. it juz wont work. i knoe i've to face reality. but somehow i juz cant. its juz so difficult. bein in a class full of muggers, being in a class where u're the only one laggin behind in studies, the feelin is terrible. its really miserable. u cant see e sunlight within e subject. its total darkness for me. i donno y i attend classes for. there's no goal for it. n im scared. i fear e friends ard me. they seemed two-faced. one side of them sounded like they are very willin to help out those weaker friends. on e other hand, they seemed so selfish. its such a complicated situation studyin wif pp who were damn smart, pp who were 1 or 2 yrs older than me.
i donno. maybe they don share e same interest as me. band pp are so much friendlier. so much more better. feel really comfortable wif them. hmmm, donno wat else to say. maybe this is my darkest period of life. a real difficult obstacle for me to get over wif. given my character, i don gif up so easily. perserverance is one of the key words to my success. but this time, i'm really at a loss. shld i gif up or shld i not? saw this phrase frm somewhere.
" When the nyte seems to be in its darkest, it means tat e sun will soon rise up. Press on. Don gif up. "
ya. don gif up. maybe im really gettin somewhere near to e light.