"don come home too late.."

"look out for cars when u cross the road.."

i wouldnt be able to hear these again. my ah ma passed away on 11th june. alot of pp asked me whether im ok. yes, i am ok now but will of coz be sad. initially, i cldnt accept the fact that she had left us. everything come and passed so fast tat im not able to adapt to this new environment. she was diagnosed wif metastatic rectal carcinoma 2yrs ago. watever it is, its colon cancer. she spent bout 1wk plus in SGH aft which the doc told us her prognosis wasnt very optimistic n we had to be mentally prepared. it was also set for us to bring her home on 12/6/06 but she din make it. she was very awake 2 days before she left. none of us expected this to happen aft 2 urgent calls frm hosp. the maid was wif her 24hrs everyday even til she breathed her last. im really sad for her, she cldnt get to see any of her loved ones before she left. even my father who was the first to reach was also late by 10mins.
=(

whenever i looked into her bedroom, vivid flashes of the past will come into my mind. she's an able and well-respected woman when she's alive. the kitchen was her 2nd home and all of us love her cooking. be it juz simple porridge, it will always taste nice. for this 19yrs of my life, i've lived wif her under the same roof together wif my family. most of the household chores were done by her, even the job to take care of my 2sisters and i were oso by her. she brought us to school, to tuition, to void deck for old folks gossiping session and to see doc when we were ill. aft my ah gong passed away, ah ma fell ill and had a stroke. it was til 2yrs ago she had colon cancer. these 6 yrs indeed had been hard for her esp tat particular 2 yrs which she had to suffer in pain, fighting against the disease.

ah ma never failed to always asked how were we when we fell ill. i could still rmb juz few mths ago, i had a really bad cough. at tat time ah ma was kind of weak and was lying on her bed resting. she even made the effort to ask my sis to call me to her room juz to place her hand over my forehead to see whether i have any fever despite herself already being so sick and weak. she still cares.. it really pains my heart to see her go.

maybe my mum was right. at least ah ma wouldnt hav to suffer in pain anymore. she had gone to somewhere painless and she still had her husband to keep her company. she might be happier now. if ah ma is happy, i'll be happy for her.

now, the funeral was over. i'm trying to get back to my life again. sorry to the people whom i've neglected during this period of time, even my classmate oso noticed i've become so quiet suddenly. thnx to those who've came to pay ah ma their last respect. esp dear, who listened to my cries over the phone, consoling me n being there when i need someone most. =)

its really heartbreaking to see ur loved ones leave u and sometimes it is juz so difficult to say good bye.

farewell ah ma, u'll always be in my heart..