My old problem strikes back again. I can never stressed myself too much. Once I cross the boundary, my headache will come. I tell u, this is the first time I ever did only 2 echo in the afternoon n had a terrible headache after tat. SUPER headache! I guess I was too stressed up. All becoz of our beloved empress dowager. SQ! oh my god. haiz. You can imagine how stressful it is when I was being scolded by her til i'm near tears! It's like every word she said carried a dozen knives which really can stabbed you to death. I swear I rather get scolded by chuah man a hundred times than get scolded by SQ once. You know as how an empress dowager is, even when they walk, there will be this gust of 'wind' behind them. not to mention.. opening the mouth to speak. even more wind.

Poor me, am definitely not competent at all, first timer to her session. Gah-brah alot. Somemore my regionals are like shit. I know there's regionals abnomalities but still quite unsure how to really score it. Once SQ step in, she asked if there's posterior infarct. I was unsure, went to check the case sheet n she scolded me.

"I don't want you to refer to the case sheet. Now look at this image and tell me wats wrong with it."
'Err, posterior infarct? Its hypo?'
"No! Look at it properly. Wat is the first thing that comes into mind. Where's the infarct? How's the wall like?"
'Err, its abit thin out, n hypo?'
"What? Excuse me, if its thin out, juz say its thin out. There is no abit thin out."

blah blah blah. There she is kept switching from long axis to short axis, to apical views asking me to score the regionals. Argh.

"How long hav you been doing echo?"
'2 to 3 mths?'
"What? My goodness, my doctors hav to go through 6 mths before they can do independently. How can a technician be independent only after 3mths?"
yea, I oso don wanna do her session loh. I rather do whole week's chuah man session or ding jie's session rather than hers la.

So, she went on finding more faults in me. The sweep speed was originally like tat, fixed to her protocol, she scold. My image is too bright over at the RA n LA, she scold. Said its redundant to put SOOO much density on the irrelevant stuffs. My endocardium was not properly seen (its the best tat i could get!), she scold. She even asked me to show her how I do echo, n wants me to get the endocardium properly in front of her after her demonstrating to me. Argh, there's still more shits she gave me. This caused me to have 0% level of confidence when she asked me to do the next echo. I felt I'm being struck back to the very raw trainee I initially started off as. I had totally NO confidence in saving the images at all, even though the image looks ok. I had to think thrice before I save. If not I'll be inviting myself to more knives stabbings. Lucky TLK was there to supervise. I'm so glad the 2nd echo was a normal case. *sweats* Anyway there's more stunts I hadnt typed out. Too many to be mentioned. Ask me if you wan.

p/s: I wanna complain. Its really unfair to put me in SQ session when I'm not competent enuf, n when I hadnt' had my competency test yet! It really made me felt so upset I hadn't had appetitte for dinner. Morale was so low. N tat leads me to another thing. Big eye stepped on my tail for this incident. Thanks to her.

Going KL. Finally few days off from the heartless place. I hope the conference doesnt bores too much. Be back next week.