females are such weird creatures.
we always dont do wat we say,
we always dont mean wat we say.
and when we are actually doing wat we said, and mean wat we said,
we tend to back out, change our mind, hesitate.
and starts to wonder, whether if the decision is correct or not.
whether if we will live to regret in the future or not.

contradicting eh?

i find it absurd too.
and i cant stand it myself.
i hate my hesitation.
i hate my swaying thoughts.
i hate my indecisiveness.
and i hate myself for being so easily psycho-ed.
becoz for one thing - im afraid of making the wrong move.

thats my extremely weak point. n probably my hard-to-change personality. for i belongs to the group of pp who seeks perfection and allows no mistakes. when there's mistakes seen, i tend to back out. i tend to lose confidence. i tend to be disappointed and gave up easily.

i've been ranting n ranting all these whiles, bout seeking a better iron-rice-bowl. but yet now when i'm really in the real situation, having the need to type in my last letter to the current iron-rice-bowl.. i felt like crying. tots of wonderful moments to the most disgusting irritable memories came flooding into my mind. i tot, i will so gonna miss all these times. i might even miss the complaints and naggings from the customers of my iron-rice-bowl. i will miss the pp sharing the same iron-rice-bowl as me. i will miss the place my iron-rice-bowl is in. i will also miss the 'playing' and working time with the pp who always hang stethoscopes around their neck, and at the end of the day, we definitely felt satisfied and happy for what we did to help our customers. Afterall, leaving a place where i belonged to for the past 2.5years was not an easy good-bye.

a part of me felt like backing out. but yet a part of me sees a better light ahead. tats life. always causing you to be in a dilemna. always requiring you to make a decision. n i supposed my friends will all think im out of my mind. to stay on, i'll rant. to move on, i'll also rant. so wats wrong wif me? i seriously don't know. i'm always never happy with all the things. and it is only this year tat i noticed i got worse. think i'm suffering from some 22 year old kind of disease. getting emo over, trivial matters. (chey,)

well, dont have to bother about me. i'm just pouring out my thoughts. talking to friends bout these i guess they will only feel like slapping me. (hah.)

i supposed, i'll still choose the better light ahead. all i need is just someone to push me on if i ever turn my head to look behind.